The world has gone mad! Desirous of everything at the same time. A full-blown, teeming, overflowing kind of mad. Even the stock market has fallen to its knees. My days of venturing out include the endless parade of faces, the sea of cars, the constant hum of… people. Everywhere! Drive-thrus that snake around the block like metallic serpents, parking lots that resemble some chaotic, metal jigsaw puzzle. People roam around like zombies, glued to their phones. I never thought I’d say it, but as a lifelong devotee of the city’s pulse, I am over it.
Over dodging through crowds like a rogue pinball, over the city freeways that feel like a perpetual, high-stakes race. My hands clench the steering wheel, a white-knuckled grip as I weave through the chaos, the squabbling in the backseat as Tupac tries to drown out the mayhem.
I crave it. We crave it. That profound, almost unsettling silence. The kind that buzzes in your ears at night, a symphony of nothingness that makes sleep feel like a distant dream. Did I get old? A lone cricket might serenade me with its leggy violin in the dark corner of my room, lulling me back into the embrace of slumber.
Is it too much to ask for peace? A place where I don’t have to spend a king’s ransom just to still be surrounded by strangers? People rummaging through my bins like hungry raccoons, people stealing the precious parking spaces like pirates plundering treasure, people ringing my doorbell with their endless sales pitches. Enough! I get my fill of human interaction through the glowing screens and bored coworkers.
My nervous system is restless. So is my daughters, a huge factor in moving away from the endless need to make money and buy things. Things that can never truly fill the void in my lusting heart.
Every time I dared to whisper I was moving to a coworker or friend, every time I mentioned leaving, I saw it. In their eyes. That flicker of longing, that shadow of desperation. It wasn’t envy, not exactly. It was something deeper, something more profound. They wanted it too. They wanted to break free, to chase the horizon, to taste the adventure that life had promised. But fear, or obligation, or maybe just the sheer weight of the world held them fast.
And so, it began. Not a grand, meticulously planned exodus, but a whisper of an idea that grew into a roar. First, our friends vanished, drawn to the siren song of… Raleigh. All it took was ”You guys should come out.” A city where soccer reigns supreme, a city cradled by the hallowed halls of Duke, Wake Forest, and UNC.
And then, it happened. Spring break, a scouting mission. My husband and son, guided by our intrepid friends, ventured forth to explore this promised land. What they found is a story for another blog. But let me tell you, the seeds of change have been sown, and the winds of possibility are blowing. The silence, the sweet, sweet silence, is calling. It’s not going to happen right away, this little farm of ours. But it’s going to happen.
My heart will absolutely ache for the desert where I spent 42 years of my life. But regret is stronger than love.
Slangshot 